Wednesday, March 02, 2005 2:04 AM
I'm N0T a g0d !
I'm n0t wh0 U think I am. I'm just a n0rmal human being like U. I HATE this semester. What else? Pr0ject Stress. I tried my best n0t t0 think, but can I? Every1 is new t0 this FUCKED-UP pr0ject. U think U ask me what's g0ing 0n, I will kn0w. I'm tired, very tired. Is n0t tiredness 0f w0rk + study. Is tiredness 0f explaining, helping, d0ing m0st 0f the things. I seld0m regret 0f things. But these time, I really feel tat I had regretted 0f helping up f0r my last semester pr0ject. Y IS IT A PR0JECT ! In 0rder t0 get myself a 'A', every part 0f the pr0ject muz be g00d. Maybe is I demand t00 much, they can't really d0 tat. Fine, I help. What ab0ut this semester? Every1 l0st. Even me. I can't be always d0ing all the things, answering every1's questi0n. What ab0ut myself? Have any1 answer my questi0ns? 0r will U kn0w h0w t0 answer? N0w that I had answer the questi0ns, wr0ng = argue back. WTF? U think I kn0w everything? If U think is wr0ng, then U tell me what's right, dun tell me is just wr0ng. D0 it urself ! I answer back I dunn0. all fed-up.
I had d0ne whatever I can f0r this pr0ject. Gr0up w0rk: 5 pe0ple. 0nly 2 pers0n have been actually figuring 0ut, d0ing it, explaining it. D0 U think is really fair? Did we ever c0mplain? N n0w U c0mplain.
What's n0w? Next week dem0, dividing the w0rk up, 0s0 wanted t0 quarrel. D0 what U want then. Dun ask me any questi0ns if U g0ing t0 c0mplain that it might be wr0ng. Is n0t 0nly U stress. Is n0t 0nly U kn0w h0w t0 break d0wn. I'm already breaking d0wn, but I'm enduring. Break d0wn s0 waD? Pr0ject still need t0 hand it. U dunn0 h0w t0 do, figure 0ut. Dun depend 0n me. Really. I'm t0tally l0st !! I'm tired. My IT mind had been g0ne. I 0s0 dunn0 h0w t0 d0 ! ARGH ! Argue back with0ut telling me what's right. Might as well keep quiet. U can't d0 it, blame me. Well. Up t0 u then, Used t0 it. 0verall, is a gr0up pr0ject. I can't say I w0n't help. It will affect my marks. But dun f0rce me t0 the end, I might think 0f failing it TOGETHER ! AND I WILL !
I try my best t0 0ccupy myself w0rking. Av0iding t0 g0 sch, t0 d0 pr0jects, t0 see U. I kn0w I can't av0id it always. But please I beg U, d0 what U can, dun tell me dunn0 0r what. I had n0 energy t0 really help. I'm helpless t00.
- Putting a smile at me = a few m0ment. I'm just trying t0 hide my sad face. Trying t0 be brave. Please give me peace, will U? -
** Sorry f0r the vulgarities. But I'm really really D0WN right n0w. That's really my truth feelings. **