Monday, July 25, 2005 8:47 AM
c0ntradicting. . .
N0t feeling very g00d since 23 0f july. Maybe is tat I had 0ver-limit myself 0n my JAVA assignment. 25% might kill me. Well. T0 me, Java can be easy when U understand it. 0nce U get it, in 1/2 an h0ur time, U will r0ughly get the idea. But pr0vided U must have the Java mind n a super quiet envir0nment. Else n0 matter h0w l0ng u stare at the c0mputer, n0thing will be 0ut.
Have been struggling Java these few days. Remembered 0n either thursday 0r friday. I stucked at a stupid err0r due t0 SUN pr0vider f0r having a genetric bug at the latest JDK 5.0 versi0n. Made what I had d0ne at sch00l t0 be unable t0 view at h0me. Sigh. Wasted my 4-5 h0urs 0n that searching f0rums f0r help, etc.
My w0rk mind is getting lesser, as I had n0 intenti0n t0 w0rk many days already. But thinking 'If I dun w0rk, d0 wad? Rest?' Yes, every1 needs rest. But I really feel like wasting 0f time. If I can have whole week 0f Java mind, I'll n0t w0rk this week. n0 1 can ensure it. N0t even myself. S0 better n0t t0 waste time t0 stay at h0me r0tting.
Sigh. I've been c0ntradicting myself. I need peace, quietness. But when I really given peace, I feel sad that every1's ign0ring me. Well, it's just a temp0rary 0f time. When I get much better, I will feel tat I'm s0 childish and stupid thinking. Getting tired, feeling 0lder. Wrinkles c0ming s00n I guess. Sh0pping m00d g0ne. Just spent $89.20 0n a sp0rt sh0es f0r w0rk. Actually n0t heart pain, but.... prefer n0t t0 c0mment much.
These few days have gastric pain 0r dunno wadever pain. Din intend t0 g0 see d0ct0r th0ugh. As I'm the 1 tat make myself suffer, wad f0r spenting $$ 0n this. I can st0p myself fr0m n0t eating. But I just dun have tat appetite. *Shrugs*. My schedule f0r this week, Planning t0 wake up at 7/7.30am every m0rning:
M0nday: w0rking 11-3/6-10
Tuesday: W0rking 11-6, then Java
Wednesday: Java
Thursday: W0rking 11-3/6-10
Friday: Still thinking whether shall I w0rk at 6-10
Saturday: Having presentati0n. Might be w0rking later.
Sunday: 0ff.
S0metimes I have a l0t t0 say. But wh0's willing t0 share. Th0se happy things tat I had share, might result int0 a negative way. Sigh. I dun wish t0 c0mment much. Neither d0 I wish ppl t0 c0mment 0n me much. But I'll feel sad if ppl st0p c0ncerning f0r me. Ahh. Wad the hell d0 I really want! Simple en0ugh: I want care and c0ncern but n0t nagging. I'm s0rry. F0r this m0ment, I just want t0 d0 wad ever I like.
Even right n0w, 45 m0re minutes f0r me t0 g0 w0rk, I still can feel s0 b0red seeing the c0mputer. Can U sense what if t0day I'm 0ff fr0m w0rk? Haha. I guess will be crazying at h0me even th0ugh I'm really very very very tired fr0m everything. Again. C0ntradicting. Haha.
- A simple mind is enuff f0r me, dun make it c0mplicated f0r me ok. -